Sigh I wish I could temporarily ease my mind by talking to you sometimes. I wish you took me seriously. I feel down cause you’re out having fun, and you never invite me out, or want to see me anymore. Idk. I wish I could get what I want out of you. But I won’t. Sigh, Berlin your absence stresses me out.
So many things still remind me of you. Irish things, musical things, Happy things. I’ve been single since April. Every time I See a relationship, I think of you. I don’t want to think of you much longer Berlin. You’ve pushed me away for so long. Honestly I don’t even trust you anymore. I don’t know what you do these days. I don’t know what people, what men, what women you’re talking to. You could be doing anything. I used to have a very high opinion of you, now I don’t give myself the chance to have one, the only thing my mind goes to when I think of you is separation. I have separated my self in my thoughts of you, soon I don’t think of you much, honestly, you’re not trying to talk me, so why should I think of you. You’re busy, I get that. So I’ll let you be busy, and just stop thinking of you. They say if you want to get back with me you’ll get back with me but until then I should just leave you alone. It’s not fun or inspiring to think about you. You frustrate so much. And my mind still dwells on you on so much. But luckily you’ve pushed me away enough to where I don’t want to message you anymore. I might be lying to myself for now but, I’m not waiting on you anymore Berlin. It’s not worth the heart ache. You told me not to hurt you, So I’m not going to bash you or call you out. I just won’t call you anymore. I don’t know why you even check on me, it feels like your just checking to see if I still love you. That’s soo fucking selfish. How I see it, want to be single you want to see patience more than me, I am not worth the trip but patience is, always. You prefer to have her friendship over mine any day. And I’m no hater, so you have her, but if you really do keep distancing yourself, I will keep doing the same. A quote says, you can push loyal people only so far until they break, and your distance is breaking my concentration on us. You wanted to even just be friends, but I don’t want to be in a non communicative friendship with you. If you don’t message me back, I see no point in even trying to text you. I said I wanted to see you maybe oand you said we’ll have to see but I’m sure if patience said that to you you’d actually plan a day. It makes me want retract my friendship and curse you out. Lol you have so much loyalty to her over me. I don’t want to even ever ask again can I see you. If anything I may start avoiding you at functions if you ever show up. You didn’t hurt me. But I may be alil bitter towards our friendship these days. I’m happy you’re working though. I resent your job. It played a big part in our relationships down fall. But I’m not going to hold that against you. Money is money, and a working hard female is very attracted to me so that’s not my problem. But you ignored me and then went the extra mile to completely shut me off. I just don’t have time to whine about it anymore. But like I said I still do think about you. But I will no longer fight for your attention or affection. I just end up losing Every time. My pride towards you have subsided so much. Im not going to initiate anything else with you Berlin, It reminds me of when I used to ask for things from my father and he’d always say no, you always say no. you don’t deserve my attention these days. I still love you though, always will. Guess you’ll have to come back to me this time.